I Have Read All His Journal Entries

I have read all his journal entries. Hi, I am Suhaani and I am telling you my story of the person I love. The strange part about him is that he thinks I have not read his journal entries but I have read them all, I read them every now and then and he is blissfully unaware. Sometimes it makes me smile and sometimes it makes me cry. But I read them, reading them makes me realize what he means to me.

He never mentions his name, he is always he. His name is Arnav and this is the story of my love, our love.

He is not the only one who looks at me when I am asleep, we both do it but he does not know when I look at him till the sun rises as he is busy sleeping. Arnav is a heavy sleeper, when he is not reading and not watching me he is busy sleeping. He always sleeps on his tummy and his face is always on my side of the bed, not one day has he slept without facing me, even when we have fought. He tells me that whenever he wakes up in between his sleep he likes waking up to my sight, he finds it reassuring to find his love next to him.

Arnav is a simple guy with complicated passions. He is a strong person with a soft heart, he cannot bear disharmony and he loves me. As you must have read in his entry that I was hurt once and it made me cold towards people. So this story is about that one day when his actions changed the way I felt forever. It was the day, I rose in love. And it was the reason that till date he is making me my favorite tea.

It was a day I still clearly remember, it was raining, sixteen years ago. I already knew that there is this person Arnav on this planet but I had been stalling his advances. I was waiting for an auto outside office and it was a bit dark, I was afraid but was too proud to accept it. Whenever a car zoomed by or a lecherous creep walked by I shivered in disgust. I never stopped keeping up a brave front and returning their looks with nasty stares of my own.

A man stopped right in front of me and was about to comment and suddenly I felt someone move behind me, before I could react I saw Arnav standing in front of me. He said nothing, asked nothing, he just held my hand and started walking. Something happened, something magical, something beautiful and natural. I could not rebuke him or come up with a snarky retort. I just kept walking behind him and he kept holding me by my hand. We sat in his car and he drove in silence, he asked me for directions to my home but there was no chit chat going on between us. The silence was uncomfortable, he stopped the car outside my home and said “just do me a favor, don’t get hurt” he waved at me and left.

I stood there speechless in the rain, I was dripping but I was unable to make a run for it. I was enjoying the rush of emotions I was experiencing and the wet rain made me happy. Many guys have tried to woo me but his persistence had taken a different turn altogether, his passionate rants about his love were vindicated today with his sensible and heartfelt actions. Whatever he did that day just felt so right and perfect. I knew that I was in love with him. I did not love as I had not met a match who could reciprocate the intensity and passion I was capable of giving. Everyone shouts about undying love which ultimately fizzles out. But with Arnav, I felt I had met my match. A person who can reciprocate as intensely as he felt and that’s exactly the one thing I needed to grow in love.

Our courtship was very innocent, we used to talk on the phone for hours, it was strange for both of us as we hated talking on the phone and neither were we that young to feel all giggly and childish but strangely this person made me feel all of those things which I never thought I could experience again. Yes, my heart was broken by someone whom I cared but I forgave him the second I realized that Arnav is my soulmate. People might question me that “why forgive him when you found happiness?” to that my reply would be “ I am a human being, I feel hurt too. If I am happy I do not mind moving on with things that have ceased to matter”. I learnt to care again, I learnt to love again, I learnt to believe again in the immense capacity of love being a positive force. Its true that when you have met the one, you just know it. So we spoke on the phone, weaved weird fantasies about random things. The thing is we made each other happy.

Arnav, is innocent till the point when you start feeling he is an imbecile, a sucker for emotional support, he never realized when I was joking and when I was serious. There were instances when my fake anger would turn his eyes moist.

Fond memories, beautiful memories.

Arnav is not insecure, he never was, he had been hurt too by the people he loved the most and what scared him was the fact that he himself did not know how so soon he could love someone so much. He just did not want to this relationship to fail, he was never afraid of showing his love and as he matched my emotional temperament, his need of me never came out in the wrong light.

One day we both took an off so that we could spend time together. I always pulled his leg and a generic conversation began leading to bam!!!

Arnav: “Ummm, um getting bored. Want to get married?”

Suhaani: “ Noi. Me not feeling well. Let me recover then will think about it.”

Arnav: “Are you feeling better now? Now can we get married?”

Suhaani: “Yes, lets go.”

We were taking the joke further, we both were not ready to concede defeat. We were standing outside the court, we were excited and nervous at the same time. We both knew our parents wont object, but even for them it would be weird that when a wedding was imminent then why do something so random. We kept on thinking about our stupidity and forty five minutes, two signs, two witnesses and one picture later we were married.

When we walked out we were still reeling from what had happened, the immensity of the situation overcame us and we kept holding on to each other for support. We were quiet, he had a gleam in his eyes but he found me nervous and contained his feelings. He understood my needs even before I realized them. I wanted him to be there for me.

(Arnav’s grip on Suhaani’s hand was firm). He looked into her eyes and said “ Babe, I was always there for you but I still want to tell you that I will always be there for you in sickness and in health.”

That’s all he said, I gripped his hands hard and we walked off to begin a life of our own.