Confessions of a Whore

I don’t know why you would do these things to me. I will never understand what motivations you have to constantly hurt me. Is it fun, to see me weep? Do you derive any sort of pleasures in it? Sometimes I feel you are sick. Why do I feel that when you talk to me in all your honesty. Why do you make me feel things that churn my stomach and I feel repulsed at my own presence.

I know when it started it was so beautiful, you made me feel as if I am the one. Why did I ever believe you? What made me trust you? Did I trust those unassuming eyes or did I trust what I saw? I saw love in your eyes but how could it change so fast?

You made me feel like a whore, a whore whom you fuck and leave to rot. Why did you make a whore feel that she was alive, she could feel and she could see good in this world. Didn’t you understand that I loved you? Didn’t you feel that after you leave my whole being will be wrecked? How could you touch my cheeks and say love you and then decide to go away. Go away forever.

It does not hurt me to see you happy, it hurts me to see that you do not even remember who I am and what I was. The fact that you made me your whole world and one day you decided to go will never cease to hurt me.

The constant numbing pain tells me to cry but I cant. I feel like hurting you the same way you hurt me, I want to rip your soul out. I want to pull your hair and smash your head in the wall. But I know I can never do it. I cant do it cause you are not here anymore, I can’t reach you. You have gone too far way too far.

When you visited me you spoke about emotions, when you undressed me you spoke about what I meant to you. When you were inside of me you proclaimed your love, I still remember that gravelly voice of yours pronouncing your love for me.

You looked so innocent, so different from all the other people in this world. You were the first person who did not leer at me. You were the first man whom I thought to be a man and not a hyena. But what good were you? You were pathetic than them. They came on to me, satiated themselves and left. You came to me, made me your whole world, you made love to me and then you took care of me.

I still remember your bespectacled face, your cheap suit, your flouncy hair and your unassuming airs. I know you thought nothing of yourself but for me you were the only ray of hope I had in my pathetic life.

Why didn’t you just fuck me and leave? Why did you have to make me feel special? Why did you make me feel alive? Why did you do all that? I would have still moaned your name, I would have still scratched and bit you. But that did not satisfy you.

Making a whore fall in love was your ultimate challenge. A personal victory . Yes, you ruined my faith for a game of emotions.

Why did you do it? Was it a bet you had with your colleagues who worked with you in the bank? Do you even work in a bank? Or was it a sense of insecurity arising from being inadequate?

I wont punish you but the universe will. The universe will punish you for making the life of an unassuming numb whore into hell. In this inferno I burn I wish you burn in it too.

Yes, I hate you with as much passion with which I loved you. But I will always love our child, she gives me hope to live. I will live and someday you will die…alone.