As a grown up I have made some choices in life which proved to be wrong and again I laid such deep seated pain onto my own shoulders due to the guilt. In times such as this we tend to hold ourselves to harsher judgment then we do others. Suddenly those little things we did that seemed so small before are now these looming bright blemishes on our lives and we see them as unforgivable. These emotions can quickly snowball into a mess of trouble. Suddenly I viewed everything and everyone touched as if they were my victims. I reached a point where I had little joy left deep inside of myself because all I could understand through the fog was that I was ruining all the hopes and dreams of those I loved, even though that was not true.
By judging myself I was unable to let go off things which were harming me.
All we can think of is "What if I had done...?", "If only I had been there..." or "I wish I had told them...." These are only a way for us to wrongly lay the guilt upon ourselves for things we had no control over.
Some people linger at the stage of blaming themselves for a short while and some much longer. There are no rules regarding how long it takes to cope with emotions as strong as these. However, I had to realize that we must face these feelings of guilt to put them to rest. We can't ignore it hoping it will go away. The only way to get past something is through it.
We must travel through it to get to the other side. We can't side-step it or jump over it.
Understanding this will lead us to understand that we are special and if we demean someone and regret it then we deserve forgiveness and vice versa.
Have you ever had to forgive a child of a mistake or for breaking something? Do you remember the gentleness you felt towards a child or a sibling? What about the forgiveness you have held in your heart for those who have wronged you?
It's funny that we can readily forgive those around us, yet we can not seem to find compassion in our hearts for ourselves.
We must search ourselves in-depth for the goodness we hold. There is good in every situation, we just have to seek it out.
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