Life A Great Leveler

Today as I left office I took the normal route which I generally take to come back home. Cause of the NCR thing it is never going back home for me. But the drive back was different.

Before I start off with what I realized, I want to explain in detail the drive back and then we will talk about how life is a great leveler.

I started off from office then I took the bypass road and as I was driving by I came across a 4 way intersection. A new Volkswagon Vento (Folks-waa-gun for dummies) was indicating to take an U-turn and as I am a true blue desi and I cannot let him pass me, me and my car honked and sped past him in a great rush. If my wife was pregnant only then it would have been justified but then....

I drive up straight and I head towards the toll plaza. Five hundred meters in advance I start scanning for booths which are empty so that I can carry on with the need for speed mode. I choose a booth which has only one car heading out and the next booths have 2 cars each. The vento comes and stands at the next booth. The guy in front of me steps on the gas at a higher gear and his car stalls. I am stuck and the vento guy moves by.

I kept sneaking up to check was he looking at me? Was he pissed that I didn't let him pass by? but he was at peace, he was not driving fast and he did not give a shit as to who the fuck I was. He got through the toll and was gone for a while . When I finally managed to get past the booth I drove at my scariest best ( a few of my friends can vouch how life threatening it seems at times). I caught up with him and before the toll was over I took the lead.

Similarly there was a jam ahead and I scanned the traffic again and tried to identify the best spot. That guy was stuck in the worst spot possible(extreme left) alongwith a borderline dirt road and he still moved past me and I didnt see him again.

When I did catch up with him I had to turn right for my home and he went straight for whatever work he was out for.

What I realized is everyone has an inherent luck, everyone has an inherent pace. Who are we to stop someone? Divert someone?

I tried everything but he still managed to beat me, not because he was trying to beat me but cause he did not want to. He was driving towards his destination and that's what his goal was. In life we are jealous of our peers cause of there acheivements and we sulk and burn. But are they jealous of someone too? Or are they following the path they chose for themselves?

At the end I had to cut the chase and take a right turn for my home. So everyone has different goals set for themselves, our race is with ourselves, we are our own judge and jury. In trying to defeat a brand new Vento I missed all the other cars, scooters, bikes and buses I left behind? Was this drive worth it? Yes it was... It taught me what I am just writing.

From now on I set my own goals.

And, another lesson learnt.... DO NOT RACE WITH A NEW CAR.

PS. Note to Abhik Da, if I fuck the editing on this too. I will send rough drafts to you before I post :D

Love letter for the IMAGINARY

I see you everywhere, the strange thing about finding the person you love is you may or may not be with that person but believe it or not that person stays with you.

Scientists say that we use on 2 or 3% of our brain, so if yu constantly think of someone that person is bound to feel your presence around him or her.

What you are cannot be explained, you are everywhere for me. I see you!! I do, I do not hallucinate but you are everywhere, you live in my room, you ride with me in my car, I smell you in my perfume, I ruffle you in my shampoo, I can feel the clicking of your heels. I feel your soft hands touching my cheeks, I can feel your heavy breathing and your blushing smiles when I used to talk naughty.

Physical presence is important but if you are here with me or not I know you are mine. I just know it, cause you wont share me with anyone and I do not want to be shared. Possessive love is so good, if it is constructive.

Remember the time when I held your hand and you shivered in excitement? Or the time when I unexpectedly kissed you and you were baffled and then slowly turning into a red chrysanthemum. I so want to see ya turn red, I miss your scolding voice but do I need to miss you? I am such a doofus :) I know you are right there for me and I know you will never go anywhere.

You made me a better person, knowing you helped me improve my flaws and I would never want to let go off you until and unless you want to leave.

In the end, I think, why this outpour of immense love? I love you my imaginary love wherever you are you are mine just mine.

I have the power to breathe life in you... I will do that someday, We will walk the beaches holding hands and we would not need to look back.

I need to know you are ok and just know I will love you till the end of time.

When Heartbreaks Are Something More

Never a single day passes when I do not think about you.

I miss you.

I hope you know that. Since the last few days I was missing you so much and you messaged!!!

I had tears of joy in my eyes.

Be blessed and very happy thats what I will always want.

Hope your health is fine, since a few days was missing you cause I was worried about your

health.

Hope you are taking care of your health, walking regularly and also taking care of your mum and dad.

Your missed each and everyday of my life.

I love you.

Please never forget that.

Regards
-------

The Saint of Killers

He thrived on blood... innocent bystanders saw him shoot those who stood against the confederate army. Sometimes at point blank range, blood splattered all over his clothes and face. Sometimes a drop of two wound itself around his rifle, the blood tracing itself back from the barrel to the handle then to the saint's palm finally dripping and making a patch in the eerie desert shrubbery.

The nights were cold and dank, the fires were hollow, the path ahead was empty. The saint was tired of all the killing.

She stood behind the well watching him, his brutality and his boorishness did not scare her away. She stood up holding her ground, the flames of a fire nearby gave her an aura. The saint did not say a word but he knew that his life was going to change. He walked up to her lifted her on his shoulders and started walking.

They made love in a shaded area, eliza did not fight back. She was crying while he pounded her, the tears were of knowing that this man was hers. It was not a rape, it was an acceptance of knowing what you wanted.

The saint and eliza gave birth to a baby girl, those who dreaded saint were happy that he had a flicker of smile. The saint was changing and suddenly the rebels killed em all. His wife and daughter burnt alive in front of his eyes while he tried to save them.

He went numb, his anger was chilly; he lifted his weapon and started to walk towards the enemy camp. He kept shooting everyone: men, women, kids his face was expressionless. People howled and died all around him but he was aimless. The village was silent, rat camp was a dead village in fifteen minutes. And then someone shot the saint. He sat on one knee held his ground with his other feet, looked up screamed a weary scream and died......

But that was not all.............

The saint is now a soul, the gates open and he walks towards a fiery bridge, the flames are red but as he keeps walking the flames are subdued as if someone is pressing them down. It becomes totally dark. A gate stands in front of him with a sword as its insignia.

The Saint opens the door, he has to shut his eyes from the ethereal glow of a man who has dragon wings. The Saint looks up and sees a man glowing in white and blue flames, a long tunic and cotton pants robe him, he has wings, wolf like teeth and his hair touch his knees. Beautiful flowing long hair which is burning white and blue. His cotton pants have two very long swords hanging from it.

The Angel of Hell is he and he does not speak.... he looks at the fire place.

The Devil walks in, he has short hair, clean set of teeth, a white linen suit white shirt and he is wearing jute slippers. His eyes give him away. The are black but instead of them being colored they are burning, a peep and you can see the wrath, a peep would drag you down countless miles beneath the abyss we call hell.

The Angel looks at the Devil, he seems tired..... he says " Lucifer, The Saint is what people called him... he is the right soul to continue our work. We are not evil but who can explain it to our children. Humans will never understand but we need to keep doing what we did." He finished the sentence in a huff and then he coughed, his hair bouncing over his whole body, the fire shimmering and fading in certain places.

The Devil was silent still, he looked at the saint and asked him "Child, will you do my dirty deed?"

The Saint looks up and the room starts to freeze, the fire in his eyes begins to diminish, the devil clutches his head and falls.

He gets up and asks the Angel for his two swords..... he holds them and gives a mighty roar turning the room into a furnace. The swords start melting and they shape up in two walker colt revolvers. The revolvers never ever miss their target and they will kill.

The room turns to normal, the devil hands the colts to the saint. The angel holds the saint by his arms and breathes his white fire in his mouth.. he then says "now, you shall be The Saint of Killers".

A breeze emanates and The Saint of Killers is born, a white fire glowing his unkempt bearded face, the toothpick still hangs and the colt are nestled in his hips.....

The Saint is walking away when the Devil leers and taunts him "So, my lackey you serve me now.. Do you not?"

The Saint turns around and shoots him, he kills him then and there and screams... his wrath freezes hell over alongwith all its inmates and he walks out....


He goes ransacking towns and villages and cities until no one is left......

He calls upon God on his knees, hands folded in prayer..... he asks him why did he had to lose it all? For this? God tells his child "I did it Saint,  you had to become what no one else would become"

The Saint asks " Did you take my family away?"

God replies "Yes".

The Saint shoots him... drags him off his throne and takes his place. Now there is no more sin and no more puppeteers. He feels calm, a drop of white fire runs down his chin and he sleeps an eternal sleep.

Death Greets Me Warm

I was running scared it was an endless abyss, a tunnel which was never ending; there was no light to guide me.

I was stuck in the same place and the skeletons in my closet chased me. I was unable to run away. I kept pushing, trying to wake up from a  bad nightmare but that was not to be.

I could feel my eyes leaking, big pearly drops of tears falling on my bed spread. Each drop rolled down my cheek and not finding a path to pave fell on my bed sheet. It became a patch spreading from thread to thread, looking at it minutely it seemed that the tear drop followed a pattern engulfing multiple threads in its path of passivity and sadness.

As I looked back I saw you stop, you had that look in your eyes, your long hair was flowing and the breeze ruffled it.... but I could not turn back neither could I move ahead.

I wanted to scream that I need you but I do not know why was it a nightmare. God looked at my writhing body, sweat stained and anxious... Pity was what creeped in him.

And he opened up a huge chasm in front of my never ending tunnel. I looked at you, tried to turn back and could not. I tried moving forward and fell in the chasm.

I woke up..... it was not my room. A scavenger of death greeted me and a burning sign read welcome to hell.......


And the ICU lights dimmed and a trolley was pushed off to the morgue.

Sleepless in Seattle Happens

All My Days.... For Kaddu


Anton Chekov wrote : "Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be."

Carl Jung wrote: "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."

The funny thing about a google search on love quotes is; besides Betty Davis no one came up with a sarcastic, stinging and pungent remark about love. Everybody gets hurt in love but still pointing out the nice things which love has to add to our lives makes me wonder is it such a strong feeling?

I was wondering about it a fortnight back and I realized love is the strongest emotion one can feel. It is so much more than anger, hurt, jealousy, gluttony or pain.

The feeling of love is a life changer, the pain it causes has a beauty added to it; the tears are so warm that they can be directly corelated to the pain pleasure of sex(not random but amongst people in love). Every hurt, every pursuit of convincing the other person to smile is worth the effort. The whole gooey concept of life and love which all sensible people generally hate makes sense atleast once in life. When you meet such a person you do not care what anyone else thinks about you.

True love is not lecherous, a true lover would never leech on other girls or guys on the road:) cause they are so engrossed in each other.

When love is true, the other person will know for sure. In our desi language the most popular term is " yaar she definitely loves you , i saw woh tujhe kitne pyaar se dekhti hai" yeah it is cheesy but why the hell should you care. Love is cheesy for those who are not ready to accept its potential to bring out the best in you.

I know for a fact that it does!!! The need to show care for that person, how that one single person becomes your whole life, how your day to day activities surround him/her, when accomodating your needs to match theirs seems the most natural thing to do thats the beauty of it.

It seems that I can definitely go on regarding this but the bottomline is we need to accept things as they come on our way and to those who are damaged and fear love just let it envelope you. Cause like Ted Moseby you can't stop trying till you know you have met the one. :)

How Can I Tell If I'm In Love?

:)

Am I In Love Clue #1 - Physical Responses

One of the ways to know its love is by the physical responses you have to your partner when in their presence or thinking about them. Do you shiver? Get goosebumps? Blush? Sweat? Feel tingly all over? Cry when saying goodbye? Get stomach flip flops or butterflies? Feel like there is a lump in your throat? Can't stop smiling? Feel warm and fuzzy? All of these physical responses are indicators that you may have found true love, but only when paired up with the other clues in this list.

Am I In Love Clue #2 - Non-Obsessive Worry

You'll know when it's love by the way you worry about your parnter. Did they make it to work okay? Are they late because they were in an accident? Will they enjoy the dinner you painstakingly made for them? Of course, we all worry about our loved ones, but when you're in love with someone the worry takes on a different quality. At no point is it obsessive or negative however; rather, you are truly concerned for their well-being when in love.

Am I In Love Clue #3 - Wanting the World To Know

A common trait amongst couples who are in love is that they feel compelled to tell the world that they love one another. Whether it is wanting to yell at the top of your lungs from the rooftops, "I love you," or taking the celebratory nature of love towards a more traditional route (marriage), true love is characterized by wanting everyone to know just how happy you are together.

Am I In Love Clue #4 - Constant Reminders

You know you're in love when almost everything you experience reminds you of your partner. From the kind of coffee they drink to the smell of their cologne/perfume, from the way they say, "Hi!" to the silly way they tie their shoelaces, wherever you are and whatever you're doing, it all comes back to your partner.

Am I In Love Clue #5 - Positive Thoughts

Being in love with someone means that you (mostly) see them through rose-colored glasses. In What is True Love, positive thoughts about your partner are a crucial element to continued love for your partner. In some circles this phenomena might be called "doing no wrong", but with healthy optimism and realism.

Am I In Love Clue #6 - Reciprocated Feelings

If your partner tells you that their feelings mirror yours in a romantic, deep, loving fashion, then your love is likely blooming, or ready to move to the next level.

Am I In Love Clue #7 - Feeling Good

There's flying high on a cloud with loving feelings, and then there's feeling good about yourself. If your partner makes you feel like a million dollars when you're together, or that you can conquer anything because they have unswerving faith in you, then there's a good chance you're in love.

Am I In Love Clue #8 - No Pressure

In many a romantic relationship, there is some pressure to move things to the next level. In this case however we're talking about feeling pressured by your partner to do something you're not willing or ready to do - such as prioritizing them before your work or having sex. You may want to do these things, but when you're truly in love they are your choice alone and do not occur because of being pressured by your partner. 

Am I In Love Clue #9 - Healthy Jealousy

It's normal to feel a tinge of jealous towards your partner if an old fling comes back into their life, or if an attractive person starts flirting with them. The difference between damaging andhealthy jealousy? When healthy, the feeling is fleeting at best, and you trust your partner implicitly not to hurt or betray you. 

Courtesy-about.com